I feel like I won. Not as in something that I did of my own strength, and especially not for its own sake. But I don't know how long it's been since I've actually been this transparent about myself around (and in spite of the presence of) another person. Nor do I know the last time I heard Your voice and didn't give myself an option to back out. This is the way I've always wanted to be but have had a will made of Jell-O against an attack of the enemy equivalent to a midget poking me with a fork. But I won. I didn't stop until I did what God wanted me to do, even if it was just praying for my roommate in a particular way. Like the football players push those practice blocking dummies, I pushed through fear of man and fear of foolishness because I was given the strength and the belief that it was possible in the first place.

Soul....oh my soul, you are not done. You can't go back in your shell or re-build that body cast that protects you from pain. You might have been protecting yourself from pain, but you have also been missing out on all of what Jesus had for you in that moment.

this alabaster jar is all I have of worth
I break it at your feet Lord, it's less than you deserve
you're far more beautiful, more precious than the oil
the sum of my desires and the fullness of my joy

this time that I have left is all I have of worth
I lay it at your feet Lord, it's less than you deserve
and though I've little strength and though my days are few
you gave your life for me so I will live my life for you

Yes, you deserve everything I have